An exerpt from Friday Night with John Cheeseman, broadcast 30/09/2005 21:30

John is interviewing Nicole Kidman, movie actress.

J.C.: So, Nicole, you've just got a new film out, also starring Anthony Hopkins. Could you tell us a bit about it?
N.K.: Yeah, it's called 'Storm in a teacup', and Anthony plays this English university teacher, and I play this mysterious woman, this drifter who sort of wanders into his life, and it's all kind of enigmatic. I can't say much more without giving it away...
J.C.: Sounds intriguing. You're also due to appear in a film with Jennifer Lopez, I believe.
N.K.: Yeah, it's been a busy month....Jennifer Lopez, yeah, well, it's not...all of her....you see....she plays this woman who's caught in an explosion...
J.C.: Oh, dear!
N.K.: Yeah....and all that's left of her is her bum. And I play this woman who's also caught in the same explosion and I survive, but my bum gets blown off. So the only way to save my life is to graft her bum onto my body. It's all done with computers. And the bum has a sort of life of its own, and it starts to behave wierdly and do all these sinister things....
J.C.: Sounds scary. What's it called?
N.K.: The Darkness Behind.
J.C.: I notice that you tend to balance the serious dramas with slightly lighter hollywood...I hate to use the term, but popcorn movies..
N.K.: Yeah..
J.C.: ...but you bring a sort of good, old fashioned hollywood glamour to them as well. Do you find that you tend to get rather...shoehorned into the glamourous roles?
N.K.: Well, no, not really. I mean, all my projects have been things that I've been interested in to some extent, or I wouldn't do them, y'know?
J.C.: Fwub a dub.
N.K.: Sorry?
J.C.: Bwah. Nothing. What I was saying was, have you ever felt tempted to do what Charlize Theron has done, for example, and sort of "ugly up" for a role?
N.K.: Well, I did that film, the Hours, where they gave me that big nose...
J.C.: Oh, yes, ha ha. Of course, but aside from that have you ever bwuuuhh hubba wubba wuffle wuurrrb...
N.K.: Excuse me?
J.C.: Wiffle blaaaah wubagub spliffle weeee....
N.K.: What's going on? Are you....melting?!?
Studio technician: Oh, my goodness....the lights are too hot! Turn them down!!!!
J.C.: Blaaaaahhhhfffiffflewip..
He leans forward in his seat, visibly wilting, his features sagging. He grabs the stunned Nicole Kidman's knees before toppling, melty face first, into her lap.
J.C.: Pfif!
N.K.: EEEEEEEEEEK!!!! GET OFF ME!!!!!
The technicians run onto the studio floor and yank John off the gibbering actress' lap.
J.C.: Pfifflefifflefifflepsssssssssss.....
Head technician: Quick, get him to a fridge. AND TURN THAT CAMERA OFF!!!