All I really need to know, I learned from Star Wars Episodes 1 - 3:

1. The way to treat a burn victim is to stick him in a black plastic suit while his body is still smoking.

2. The way to win over a beautiful girl is to incessantly whine at her.

3. Evil will triumph over good in the end, because evil is devious and resourceful, while good is just idiotic.

4. Women can become pregnant all on their own.

5. Even the nicest little ten year old kid can grow up to become a sadistic, child-murdering dictator.

6. Racial stereotyping is okay as long as your racial stereotypes are disguised as alien races.

7. Kiwi accents are genetic.

8. People who wear white are good. People who wear black are evil. If a good person starts wearing black, his downward slide into wickedness is assured.

9. If you argue with your wife, you could kill her.

10. Always give a moaning adolescent what he wants, or the consequences could be horrifying.